Always points to the cheapest extra item that makes the order more expensive.
Why Hell Stocks This
The Compass was designed after Hell noticed that "only $12 away from free shipping" made Marcy Bell from Minneapolis buy a novelty spatula shaped like a leaf, then describe the order as "basically saving money". It does not point north. It points toward financial theatre. Users report feeling victorious while spending $38 to avoid $6.
Offence Processed
Free shipping is not free.
Add-on items may become drawer sediment.
The compass agrees with all bad maths.
What Actually Happens
Hell calculates the most defensible unnecessary add-on and labels it "savings".
Who is this for?
666 Corruption Credits
Sending corruption to someone else is free and encouraged. Keeping one for your own soul takes a signed
contract.
NOTICE: Souls are non-transferable, non-refundable, and largely non-existent.NOTICE: This is a parody. No metaphysical services are rendered.NOTICE: The Devil is a brand persona, not a counterparty.NOTICE: Corruption Credits hold no monetary value and never will.NOTICE: Further notice remains unscheduled.NOTICE: Souls are non-transferable, non-refundable, and largely non-existent.NOTICE: This is a parody. No metaphysical services are rendered.NOTICE: The Devil is a brand persona, not a counterparty.NOTICE: Corruption Credits hold no monetary value and never will.NOTICE: Further notice remains unscheduled.