Marketplace / HellDesk / Warranty Of Eternal Non-Resolution

Warranty Of Eternal Non-Resolution — infernal product card

Shareable corruption Infernal Bureaucracy HellDesk

Warranty Of Eternal Non-Resolution

Guarantees that your matter will remain permanently pending.

Leslie's Notes

Most warranties promise repair and then wriggle away. This one does the opposite. It promises nothing will be fixed and keeps that promise with devastating consistency. Satan calls it the most honest document Hell has ever issued, which made Legal nervous for reasons they refused to put in writing.

Offence Processed

The only warranty we have never broken.
Pending status may become hereditary.
Contacting support renews the term.

What Actually Happens

Hell places the issue in a protected state where no resolution can accidentally occur.

Who is this for?

666 Corruption Credits

Sending corruption to someone else is free and encouraged. Keeping one for your own soul takes a signed contract.

NOTICE: Souls are non-transferable, non-refundable, and largely non-existent.NOTICE: This is a parody. No metaphysical services are rendered.NOTICE: The Devil is a brand persona, not a counterparty.NOTICE: Corruption Credits hold no monetary value and never will.NOTICE: Further notice remains unscheduled.NOTICE: Souls are non-transferable, non-refundable, and largely non-existent.NOTICE: This is a parody. No metaphysical services are rendered.NOTICE: The Devil is a brand persona, not a counterparty.NOTICE: Corruption Credits hold no monetary value and never will.NOTICE: Further notice remains unscheduled.