Legal cover for calling someone 'mate' for the next nine years.
Why Hell Stocks This
The Affidavit is issued in that bright, terrible second after someone says your name and you realise you have stored them only as "blue jacket, barbecue, possibly dentist". The modern form was standardised after Graham Pike from Leeds said "mate" 11 times in a four-minute conversation and somehow survived. Hell offers several approved substitutes, but "mate" remains the market leader because it can mean anything from affection to total database failure.
Offence Processed
Void if you guess confidently and wrong.
Not valid at weddings.
Repeated 'buddy' may alert the target.
What You Receive
Payload Affidavit
A sworn statement with risk level, approved substitutes, and recognition confidence percentage.
Payload
Affidavit
Cost
666 Corruption Credits
Fulfilment
Digital delivery
Best used as
Self-indulgence or assigned evidence
Sin detected. Balance restored to 666 Corruption Credits.
Satan's Shop is a parody novelty service. No souls are bought, sold, transferred, appraised, improved, or professionally harmed.
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NOTICE: Souls are non-transferable, non-refundable, and largely non-existent.NOTICE: This is a parody. No metaphysical services are rendered.NOTICE: The Devil is a brand persona, not a counterparty.NOTICE: Corruption Credits hold no monetary value and never will.NOTICE: Further notice remains unscheduled.NOTICE: Souls are non-transferable, non-refundable, and largely non-existent.NOTICE: This is a parody. No metaphysical services are rendered.NOTICE: The Devil is a brand persona, not a counterparty.NOTICE: Corruption Credits hold no monetary value and never will.NOTICE: Further notice remains unscheduled.
