Converts "I have not left yet" into "five minutes away" under infernal rounding rules.
The Lie is small because it needs to fit inside a text message and a human conscience at the same time. Hell does not make people late. It simply gives lateness a nicer coat. The official distance between couch and destination is recalculated using hope, shoe location, and whether the keys have been seen today.
Travel affidavit
A travel affidavit showing stated ETA, actual shoe status, departure truth, and infernal rounding adjustment.
Hell rounds travel time down, rounds confidence up, and produces a location estimate based on where the sender wishes they were.
More Social Life
Satan's Shop is a parody novelty service. No souls are bought, sold, transferred, appraised, improved, or professionally harmed.